Wow, I haven't added anything to this in a loooong time.
So, long story short, I was a big slut this summer, my daughter friend died, my cousins baby died, my step-moms mom died, I failed my nursing3 class, and I started dating an absolutely amazing man that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
So, explaining death to a 5 year old, not so much fun, but she has a better coping mechanism at 5 than I have at 25, so I guess thats good.
I failed my class because I just couldn't cope with school on top of trying to deal with everything else, which really sucks, BUT I re-enrolled in it and I'm starting school again next week, so HOPEFULLY by this time next year I will be a RN and ready to start my adult life, with a career I love and hopefully, with the man I love and our combined children.
And then there's Chris...I met him online (dont mock me) in June, and he was just my friend who listened to my slut-capades with amusement, helped me feel better when I was having a crappy day, and basically made my whole insane summer bearable. We finally met on October 3rd, and the crazy feelings I had for him were confirmed. I was head over heels in love. And somehow, for some reason, he loved me too. He lives really far away, but we've managed to see quite a bit of each other, the longest we've gone so far w/o seeing each other is about 2 1/2 weeks, and it was horrible.
We had our first big 'thing' last night, I cant even call it a fight, because we werent fighting, in fact I think we were both crying. We are both pretty content with the knowledge that this is something real, and amazing and long lasting, and we both want that, but he doesnt want any more children, and I think I realized that his vasectomy meant that I would never have anymore kids either, and I panicked a little bit. We talked, we cried, it was awkward and bad and I didn't like it one bit, but after spending the night thinking of my life with no more babies, or my life with no more him, I knew what I could handle and what I couldnt. So I chose him. He has 2 kids, R is 7 and shes quite the handful and Z is 8, and is the sweetest, chillest little boy ever, so along with my 5 yr old daughter, I think we have enough kids.
He gave me a ring a few weeks ago, which I havent taken off yet for more than 5 minutes when I've been cleaning or something. It's his class ring from HS, which I think is so sweet and so romantic, and when he gave it to me he told me that someday he would replace it with a sparkly ring, and ask me to marry him. I almost cried, it was so sweet.
It's weird because I am so used to being taken for granted and treated like crap from the guys I'm dating that being with him is almost confusing. I never quite know what to do when he randomly tells me he loves me, or how beautiful I am. Still, after almost 4 months just hearing his voice calms me down and gives me butterflys in my tummy. It's freaking awesome.
And now its 4 am, and I have a child to bring to school in the morning, so I'm going to stop now.